How to Talk Romance Like a Zoomer: Fifty-One Niche Words for Romance, Sex and Bad Behaviour

The current year marks a full decade since the word “ghosting” hit the common lexicon. Back then, the concept that someone could abruptly cease all contact with a romantic interest without any notice seemed like the height of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, seeking a mate has only become more bewildering – an frequently unsuccessful exercise in humiliation that is increasingly shaped by online slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who matured during a loneliness epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted challenge on the rights of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their millennial predecessors could ever fathom. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more unhinged, with expressions like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a extensive guide to the terms gen Z is using to talk about love, intimacy and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral online sayings, by the end of this list you’ll long to get back to God’s country – because wherever that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

The Letter A

Realness – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s gold standard is presenting as your real, raw self. Good luck with that!

The Letter B

Avian theory – A social media test loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you point out something insignificant – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your partner’s reply is inquisitive or brushed off. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are not compatible.

Independent partner – Gen Z’s answer to the “quirky fantasy girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

The Letter C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do low-cost romance in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Having a breakdown when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a crush or split, dumping all of your unreciprocated emotions.

The Letter D

DINK – Two incomes, no children. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional excess, it describes partners who forgo having children to focus on their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Vulnerable signaling – The opposite of acting aloof: embracing dialogue, transparency and openness.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Behavioral traits indicating a prospective partner is bad news. Such as calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Good indicators – These actions confirm your choice to pursue a mate. Examples include following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a bed frame …
• Beige flags – These typically describe niche, mostly inoffensive quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still carrying around a biro in their wallet, paying the rent in physical money …

Freak matching – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the WWII or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same things or people that you do (nothing fosters closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

The band Geese – A musical group a typical Zoomer guy is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of disappearing.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon boyfriend who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online community of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

The Letter H

Gloomy heterosexuality – A trend describing many women’s increasing despair toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype championed by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Icks – Random and frequently trivial turnoffs that immediately shut down any feelings of interest.

“Actions speak louder" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an incredibly sweet gesture.

J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a preppy, conservative-leaning guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in professions they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: nurses, teachers or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be numbered since some gen Z desire fewer sex scenes in film, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more important than it is. Also known as {